Lance: Why Hello there~
some uncultured human: *shocked about diana being bisexual*
me: she is from a island full of women, helen. what did you think she do in her spare time? dance around with manatees?
voltron au where everything’s the same except keith is the rose gold paladin
Lance was tryin to Sugar Daddy Allura with literally zero (0) moneys like what a fucking mood
I’m ngl it’s kind of disgusting that you’re calling Lance, a minor, some sort of sugar daddy. That is very not okay.
Checked and op is a shaladin that explains a lot
The discourse in this fandom never ceases to amaze me.
Lance is not a prepubescent child. Fucking christ
lance: *literally makes several sexual jokes through out the series* *is clearly not a small child*
some dumbass on here: lance is a tiny boy who has never thought about sex ever and these offend me personally,
we are talking about a guy who canonically has a mermaid kink and likes being tied up….like what the fuck are you on about?
Evidence that Lance isn’t actually your Innocent Baby™:
This one honestly should have tipped you off about him. In the fucking pilot episode, thank you very much.
He got innuendos.
Ya boy Lance knows about bondage play…
[Translation: “Me gusta”]
Return of the Bondage kink.
And you’re telling me he wouldn’t know about Sugar Daddys or *gasp* imagine being in that scenario?
Honestly, that’s probably one of the tamest things this guy is into.
If you’ve ever wondered who’s this redbubble postcard gremlin… yeah.
I swear I don’t have a problem!
@elentori-art @wolfpainters @ikimaru @artofkelseywooley @legendarydesvender
The postcard gremlin omg
obfonteri asked:
Hello for your consideration: the Paladins meet the Guardians.
kcgane-deactivated20190222 answered:
okay, okay. i’ve been laughing about this for hours since you sent me this here is an amalgamation of some thoughts in Script Format:
Allura: Paladins! We have an intruder on board!
Hunk: oh man not again. Do you think it’s because of Ulaz? One of his friends, maybe? Someone good? Someone - someone not so good? Oh no, oh no. What if they’re REALLY not so good and then-
Keith: -HUNK. Knock it off. Get ready. We gotta move to stop these guys.
Pidge: Well that’s weird.
Shiro: What is it Pidge?
Pidge: The ship is detecting various different life forms but one of them is human. Part human, at least.
Lance: So there’s a guy out there that could be from earth?
Hunk: Like Galra Keith?
Keith: *shoots a pointed look*
Allura: They’ve moving forwards, hurry!
Shiro: Allura’s right. We’ll figure this out once we know what’s going on.
-
Shiro: Can we….um, help you with something?
Allura: who are you? And how did you get onboard my ship?
Quill: we’re the guardians of the galaxy.
Paladins: …?
Quill: the guardians of the galaxy *holds out hands grandly* - the guardians - am I - hey, Gamora am I saying it right?
Gamora: Yes.
Quill: The guardians of the galaxy.
Lance: No we heard you it’s just, we’re sort of the…. defenders of the universe.
Rocket: *laughing* Wait. You mean to tell me THESE GUYS are apparently the defenders of the universe?
Keith: Says the talking Racoon.
Groot: I am groot.
Rocket: Oh and what’s your name smartass? Keith.
Keith: Uh… yeah?
Rocket: Oh it is - it is actually Keith. That was just a random guess of an arbitrary name that just came into my head.
Hunk: Okay is anybody else hearing this? Because that’s definitely a fake laugh. I’m just calling it right now.
Rocket: IT’S REAL.
-
Drax: *goes up to Allura* your ears… they’re HIDEOUS.
- a few of the paladins find this funny because of the parallel to their meeting with allura
- she is positively affronted
-
Lance: Well hello there beautiful lady, your sharpshooter is here for-
Gamora: *twists his arm* -So much as breathe in my direction again and I’ll happily keep going.
Pidge: *snickering*
-
Groot: I am groot.
Pidge: Uh-huh. And?
Groot: I am… Groot?
Pidge: Haha, me too.
Lance: Hold the phone, you can UNDERSTAND him?
Pidge: Well sure. I just ran some of his phrases through this computer matrix and started piecing together the language Groot uses based on the data I had collected. It’s actually really fascinating because even though he says I am Groot there are infinite results, for example-
-
Keith: *to gamora at some point* Nice blade.
Gamora: It’s no different to the weapon you carry.
Rocket: No different- are you kidding me? Now hold on just a minute do you know what that is? It’s LUXITE. That stuff is the rarest metal in our galaxy! And some kid is just throwing it around.
Keith: I’m not ‘some kid’.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: We should steal it, you’re right.
-
Hunk: this baby tree is adorable. I want to hug him. Can I please hug the baby adorable tree?
-
Rocket: What does this thing do?
Coran: Well let me show you: My name is Coran and I’m a gorgeous man.
Cube: My name is Coran and I’m a gorgeous man.
Rocket: *grinning* My name is Coran and I’m a-
Gamora: -Rocket, no.
-
Quil: Do you have a cool nickname, too?
Keith: ?
Quill: It’s just kinda the criteria for you know, being a cool space hybrid person with a complicated, sad family backstory.
Keith: I’m a paladin. That’s all I need to be.
Quill: Well that’s fine I guess but. Mine’s starlord, just so you know.
-
Shiro: Keith… are you okay? What’s going on over here?
Keith: That tiny tree was doing some weird dance. *staring at baby groot who is frozen*
Shiro: …No it’s not.
Keith: Was. Trust me, Shiro. It was.
Shiro: Okay. *pats Keith’s shoulder and walks away*
Keith: *turns away*
Groot: *starts dancing again*
Keith: *looks back and Groot freezes, leans forwards* I’m onto you.
-
Rocket: You guys are like the happy meal. With your cutesy lions and bayards. Whereas we - we’re the big mac.
Allura: What’s a happy meal?
Shiro: That doesn’t matter, because we’re not a happy meal. We’re the supreme special.
Lance: Yeah!
-
Pidge: Woah, you built this? Incredible.
Rocket: Don’t touch that.
Pidge: But it’s so beautiful.
Rocket: It’ll also blow all our brains out and I don’t know about you but I’m perfectly fine with my head still being attached to my body.
Hunk: Wait that’s a bomb?!
Quill: NO BOMBS.
-
Drax: What a curious contraption. But why not just assemble this Valederian from the ground up? Why make tiny lions that join together in such a way?
Quill: They literally just explained that and it’s called Voltron.
Drax: That’s what I just said.
Lance: No you said Valederona.
Keith: Actually he said Valederian-
Lance: -oh yeah?
Keith: Yeah.
Hunk: Hate to be the voice of reason here but no. Drax. You definitely did not say Voltron. Keith is right.
Lance: Keith is right?!
Drax: My apologies, it’s a very strange word. Let me ask again about how this Volterrican device works.
I don’t do Lance justice when it comes to selfies, but here’s me trying to be lance from @wittyy-name and @wolfpainters fic SUADWM
….which Just fucking updated today and I can’t read it till like way later tonight wtf guys xD
ruinedchildhood