Red and Blue make Purple

fresh-bean-deactivated20180822

dailyjackiechan

cashiers don’t actually care what you buy you could buy a fork a toaster and a bath plug and i wouldnt notice all i’m thinking abt is “in five min it will be one hour until two hours before i can go home”

brokebooklover

Ok usually, but the one exception to this is the guy who bought 5 boxes of Mac and cheese and three boxes of condoms. This was only noteworthy because I work in a bookstore and I had no clue we sold condoms.

rockurai

i want to know how it’s normal for a bookstore to sell mac and cheese but not condoms

Source: dailyjackiechan lmaooooo me

illmamnim

journaljay

Magnus: So who’s your godly parent?

Percy: My mom

Percy: Sally Jackson

Magnus: No your Greek one

Percy: Oh you mean Poseidon

Source: journaljay lmaooooo

momfricker

Source: orbusterrarum lmaooooo

ickurey

fuck-i-just

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

poselikeateam

Why does this not have any notes?

agentgreenfishy

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

thisismythanksgivingurl-gobble

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

operameister

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”

thesteppinrazor

Pro tip: Don’t do this if you recently applied for a new job.

je-suis-un-espion

bolded. just in case.

londonhowell

i feel like that pro tip is told from experience

kogaylien

Washington moragatorium, you stab ‘em, we bag ‘em. We’re having a two for one special, you dismember the first body and we’ll hide the second one for free! How can I help you?

Source: fuck-i-just lmaooooo the last one