Red and Blue make Purple

[Red and Blue make Purple]

MYSTERY STORY TIME

[latinkilledtheromans]

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store? 

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

[221cbakerstreet]

It came all the way from Italy and this is how you welcome it

[phantomgrace]

@eyrecura @artzypaw

[Red and Blue make Purple]

[ikimaru]

paladins pls.png
wanted to draw something like a nice family picture but theN

[Red and Blue make Purple]

cute date idea

[fartgallery]

we go to an aquarium. you point out all the fish you like. i jump in the tank and attempt to fight them to win your affection

[thorcepticon]

But then you pick the shark, the god damn apex predator of the ocean. I go in there and try to fight it anyways. I fucking lose though because its a mother fucking shark and instead the shark wins your affection and you two end up getting married. That was 6 years ago and now whenever im on facebook I see how happy you are with your shark husband and shark children. I often think to myself that I never should have fought that shark but then I look and see how happy you are and realize, I wouldn’t change a thing.

[parksandfluff]

[Red and Blue make Purple]

gracesalty asked:

Hi can we be friends?

oh shush you

[Red and Blue make Purple]

[gordacrybaby]

QUE SON ESOS

[buttcheekpalmkang]

That better be “what are those” in Spanish.

[Red and Blue make Purple]

[phantomgrace]

@eyrecura

[Red and Blue make Purple]

[kxlance]

when you understand your boyfriend’s plan

when your boyfriend does a good job with the plan you suggested and you’re proud of him

[Red and Blue make Purple]

[artzypaw]

@phantomgrace

[Red and Blue make Purple]

[Red and Blue make Purple]

[thebootydiaries]

It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apartment. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, silently studying the 1.6 billion faces speaking simultaneously in front of me. It’s Monday, the day of the weekly conference call between all Muslims. We have been required to attend this Skype meeting from the the tender age of fetus, but I had never spoken in one of them before. 

That changes today. 

“Hey guys, what if…” I start to say. 

Nobody hears me, but I refuse to be silent. How could I show my face again on Tumblr if I couldn’t even save my mayonnaise friends from death? How could I expect to earn their respect? Anon was right; why hadn’t I done this before? Thousands of lives had paid the price for my ignorance, but not anymore.

“What if you guys….. stopped killing people.“ 

Suddenly, silence. 

1,643,398,023 pairs of eyes are on me. My heart is in my throat as the ISIS leader gives me a blank expression. 

A single tear rolls down my cheek. "Please.” I say with a broken voice. 

He is moved. 

“Aight”.

[thebootydiaries]

My fingers are almost shaking as I carefully type in the ten digit phone number I have had memorized my entire life. The buttons on my home phone seem to glow a bit more dull, and even the ringing of the phone from the other end seems to be agonized, almost as if the world is telling me to hang up. But I refuse to give up; I can’t let my lily-white friends down. Not again.

The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. Still no answer. Just as I am about to hang up, there is a click.

All I can hear is heavy breathing.

“Hello….” I say quietly, my voice shaking. “Is….. Is this Muslim?”

There was a long silence before I heard a voice answer “ya lol”.

“I was thinking………..” I begin cautiously. “Maybe murder is…………bad.”

“Habibi, I…..I don’t understand. What are you trying to say….?” The voice seems shaken.

“What if…….world peace is good and killing people is…………not good”

He lets out an audible gasp. “Are you saying ISIS is…….bad?”

“Maybe death is…….not good.” I continue. My heart is racing. I remind myself that I am saving thousands of lives, and inhale.

The silence from the other end of the line is almost deafening. He seemed to be thinking, as if he had never considered this idea before in his life. Truly I had opened his heart and his mind. This…. This could end terrorism.

“Muslim….Please.” I whisper.

I hear a tear roll down his cheek, with my Muslim Communication Hearing™ and hold my breath as he finally breathes out his next words.

“Kk.”

[phantomgrace]

@artzypaw

[artzypaw]

i’m dyingggg