Red and Blue make Purple

galra-prince-lance

Sorry but i’m about to spew some straight up langst/klangst right now.

Lance has had it up to here with everyone’s bullshit. Pidge treats him like he’s stupid, Allura treats him like dirt, and Shiro… he used to look up to him, that man was his hero, but it seems all Shiro cares about is Keith. Keith this Keith that Keith’s gonna lead Voltron Keith’s the best pilot. Keith Keith Keith. He can’t stand it. No one takes him seriously. All he wants is to feel like he belongs but it seems like everyone else is making sure to make it clear that he doesn’t. And Keith is the worst.

The bickering has gotten worse, and Lance knows it’s his fault. He’d never admit that though. His emotions are running high and he can barely control what comes out of his mouth anymore. If anyone has noticed the tension coming from Lance they haven’t mentioned it. They probably don’t give two shits. They’re too busy praising Keith to even look his way let alone ask if he’s alright.

They’re fighting again. It’s pretty bad. Both of them are saying some not so nice things to each other. Lance is trying to keep calm, but he’s having a difficult time. He wants to yell. At Keith. At everyone. Let them all know that they hurt him. They don’t care. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Don’t let them know it hurts.

Until Lance let’s slip something particularly nasty and everyone just stares. He’s kinda shocked himself. Then Keith says:

“What is your problem, Lance!? Who hurt you!?”

FLASHBACK

Lance wants to be everyone’s best friend. And back at the Garrison, when they were fresh cadets, that included Keith.

I bet he’s actually really nice under all that emo. We could be great friends. We’re pretty evenly matched, and if we both make fighter class, I bet we’d make a good team.

Lance does everything in his power to be noticeable to Keith. But no matter what it doesn’t seem to work. Keith barely acknowledges his existence. So he tries a more direct approach.

Keith shoots him down.

It’s not that Keith meant to be mean or say what he said, but Lance takes it as a direct insult. He’s crushed to say the least. And he’s angry. I just wanted to be friends. He probably thinks he’s too good for you.

Maybe he is.

Over time this insecurity festers inside Lance. He starts to notice how much praise Keith receives, and how much criticism he himself gets.

He copes by forming a rivalry. He’s desperate to feel like he’s good enough. Good enough for Keith. He pushes himself to his limits, when it seems like Keith doesn’t try at all. Sometimes it’s overwhelming and he cries silently at night (wouldn’t wanna wake up Hunk and have him be all worried and stuff).

Keith’s words echo in his head, always a little meaner and nastier. He’s never gonna be good enough.

FLASHFORWARD

Lance is raging. There are tears streaking down his cheeks and his jaw is starting to ache from the pressure of his clenched teeth. He’s shaking.

Everyone is staring at him, looking a little alarmed now. Oh, now they care.

“You.” Lance says, trying to keep his tone even. “It was you.”

thoccki-all

Omg. Now you got me thinking of what comes next:

Those words hit Keith like a wall. He honestly didn’t know what he could have done to make Lance hurt like this. He was at a lost for words, frozen and confused.

The brunette was heavily breathing. It took all he had to keep the tears from escaping his eyes. He was angry and irritated, and a part of him knew he was being irrational, but he just couldn’t help it, his emotions were overwhelming.

Hunk was the first to say something, reaching out for his best friend’s shoulder as he called “Lan-” but his hand was slapped away.

Before anyone else can say something, he ran. Lance ran to the blue lion. His blue lion. It was the only place in the castle where he didn’t feel suffocated.

He got into the blue lion and just sat in the pilot’s seat, tilting his head back to rest, slowly regretting his actions. “I’m a fuck up,” he says to himself, over and over.

The blue lion was very worried for him, so worried that she put her barrier up, and refused to let any of the paladins that came after Lance pass. It didn’t take long for them to give up, they can’t do anything against a lion, so they all resolved to talk to him when he cools down, and hopefully resolve this issue. He was Lance after all, surely he will be back to his annoying self soon.

However, hours passed, and Lance never came out. Not for dinner, or even for breakfast the next day. He didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to face a team that he thinks will yell at him for snapping or tell him what he already knows, that he isn’t good for anything. He just wanted to go home, because a place like this, a place where it hurts to breathe, it isn’t home.

baked-mashed-potato

It’s too much for Lance. Too much has happened in too little time and everything thats been piling up is beginning to spill over the edge, like a glass that’s already been filled to the brim.

The emotions burst forth like a dam, strong and hard. Harder than its ever been before. Anger, then fear. Grief and loneliness. Each emotion only lingers for mere minutes before another replaces it, and the cycle continues endlessly. Self-loathing is the only one that remains for the entire journey.

Blue is just as distressed as her paladin and sends soothing purrs the same way she’s always done when things get a bit too rough. But this time its not enough, and Blue can feel the bond slipping between them as a wall seems to rise up in the gap between the two.

There’s only one wish that Lance has right now, and that’s to return to a place where he belongs. He wishes to return home. It’s the least Blue could do for all the things her paladin has done for her, and so, with a determined roar she launches off, carrying Lance with her, still curled in a ball with his head buried in his hands.

-

Everyone is aware of the sudden absence of a lion and fly into a flurried panic. Allura and Coran begin trying to locate the blue lion, but by some unexpected turn of events, Blue has cut off her connection to the castle. Shiro tries to figure out an alternative solution along with Pidge and Hunk instead.

By the time they realise that Keith isn’t among them, he’s already long gone, chasing another lion in the distance, looking for the answers to the questions he couldn’t figure out himself.

lance-lance-revolution

yes-it-s-delovely

Lance had barely noticed that Blue was moving. He was so lost in his mind that he couldn’t connect to reality. He felt as if he had been drained. Now that he’d gone through all his feelings there was nothing left. He sat surely in a ball, tear tracks still visible on his cheeks. He felt empty. Hollow. As if nothing was left within him. All he knew was that he messed up but couldn’t bring himself to care. He only reconnected with reality when Blue came to a sudden stop. Lance slowly picked up his head to see what was happening. Red’s jaw had clamped down on Blue’s leg. They were alone in some unknown part of the universe. Red dragged the other lion down to a planet beneath them with a growl. At that point Blue knew Lance needed to talk to someone. Anyone. Keith ran up to Blue. He hadn’t even put on his armor. Blue let him up without any complaint from Lance who still barely recognized what was happening.

“What were you thinking?” Keith asked quietly as he rushed in. He had to use all his willpower not to yell at Lance.

“I didn’t tell her to leave.” Lance said, his voice barely audible. Keith walked closer. He waited a minute before kneeling down and placing his hand on Lance’s shoulder.

“How did I hurt you?” He asked. In that moment Lance’s emotion returned. He was back at the start. Rage. Burning, fiery anger was all he felt.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact you did everything perfectly.”

“What?”

“Oh Keith, you can lead Voltron. Oh Keith, you’re the best pilot we’ve got. Keith, you did great in that drill. It’s like you can do no wrong.” Lance mocked. His voice raised in volume as he talked.

“Is that seriously what all this is about? You’re just jealous?”

“Yeah. That’s it. I just want to be appreciated by SOMEONE. IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK.” Lance stood up and pushed Keith away.

“Lance, calm down. We appreciate you. You’re just as important as the rest of the team.”

“Sure, whatever. I’m sure it feels like that to you. Have you ever been told you messed up? Ever?” Keith was silent, “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Why don’t you go tell the others that you can take my place. You’re obviously twice as good as me at everything so you could pilot two lions with ease.” Lance’s words became more and more bitter as he spoke. After he finished speaking he walked out of Blue onto whatever they had ended up on.

“Lance, wait.” Keith called while running after him.

“No need to pretend you need me. Just leave Keith. Before I have Blue make you leave.” The look in Lance’s eyes was to sad to be intimidating. Keith tried to think of something, anything, to say to get Lance to come back with him but the blue paladin was already gone.

dontmindme-imafangirl

Keith froze, feeling the gap between him and the blue paladin increase as he slipped further and further away and into the thick vegetation spread all over the planet.

He had to do something, anything to show this big goof that he’s a vital part of the team…

A light flashed beneath his eyes and suddenly he knew. With a newfound triumph making its way onto his raised shoulders, he ran after Lance, calling his name all the while.

He had to make the pained boy realise that no matter what, after all they had been through-they were a team, a family.

And no team works well without all its members working together.

*****

Lance knew he was following him, heard the echoes of Keith’s voice ring through the hollows of the trees, but he was too far in and far too tired to bother stopping or replying to him.

What use would it be anyway? What purpose would letting Keith confront him have?

Keith would say something snarky, because his oh-so-amazing skills and efforts seem to vanish whenever Lance is involved. He’d say something back, shooting icy daggers through his stares, hoping to freeze the red paladin in place and take that fire out of his eyes, let the cold penetrate his bones…

…who was he kidding. He didn’t want to hurt Keith. Not really. He didn’t want to hurt anyone for that matter.

Since the beginning of this whole ordeal, no, before that even, Lance had always taken it upon himself to put on the facade of the comic relief in whichever company he found himself.

It didn’t matter if he was reeking with envy or if sadness plunged into his heart threatening to burst it into pieces. He’d put on a smile, laugh his pain away, joke it away, pretend nothing ever affected him, that no one ever got under his falsely thick skin and manic grin.

Yet he felt, he felt it all. The sadness, the pain, the anger. The anger, the loudest, most dominant feeling pooling in his chest, how it threatened to come out whenever he found his body slumped onto the ground, whenever he became a stepping stone for someone to climb over, forever unable to be the one to climb instead.

It hurt, of course it did. How could anyone feel all the feelings he felt, all the incompetence, the pain, the struggle, the failure-how could he feel all that and hide it under a grin? How long would it take until his body got torn apart by the things he left unsaid, how long until the sealed emotions found their way through his mouth and split his jaw from its’ hinges?

He didn’t bother fighting back the tears anymore, the familiar purring of Blue long lost from his ears after the distance he travelled.

At a closer inspection, Keith’s yells also stopped at some point, letting noises of the surrounding nature engulf his mind.

He was at peace with it, ready to settle down under the nearest tree and let it’s roots dig their way into his skin, when he heard a petrified yell, an all too familiar voice yelling bloody murder from a nearby distance, as if in grave danger.

“…Keith?!”

vldlancelove

Lance hesitated, for a split second, but that was enough for him to pause fully. He was hesitating to go to someone’s aid, something he had never even had to consider before, and then Keith was yelling again and he bolted.

He ran back the way he came, not really sure which way he was going until he could feel the familiar purr of Blue in his mind and kept going that way, lungs burning and exhaustion hitting him like a train as he stopped and listened again. Anger helped fuel him, and soon he was breathing easy again.

“Keith?” He yelled. The silence was almost overwhelming. Yea, yea he was mad at Keith, he really, really was. But that didn’t mean that Keith….that Keith had to die for it. He yelled again, voice cracking a little. He got a response, closer, thank god, and he could hear actual fear in Keith’s voice. He ran that way, ignoring the cuts and scrapes he got from the plants.

He stopped, seeing Keith’s head over a bush and froze as he turned to see him. He mouthed something - don’t move.

Lance froze, and saw Keith look down again, turning in a circle and holding his bayard out. His paladin armor wasn’t fully on, only the chest piece was thrown on, haphazardly over his normal black tee. He was watching things below the bush, things Lance couldn’t see. He glanced down, checking his feet, then held his breath and crept forward. Nothing under him snapped and he thanked every god he could think of as he peered over the bush.

Little creatures were around Keith, maybe two dozen. They were small, scaly, like lizards, but their teeth. Their teeth.

They were sharp and obviously could do damage, and with their size and numbers….Keith would be overwhelmed. Torn to shreds.

He forgot his anger and his hand went to his bayard, silently activating it.

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.