I just wanna start with saying thank you to everyone who saw i was upset and personally made sure i was ok. I am so grateful to have you guys, and please know I’m here as well if you need anything.

So the quick summary is i’ve been feeling down for some odd reason, and I couldn’t explain why. I was feeling depressed, i was down in the dumps- just things weren’t right and I’ve found out why. I was being judged. Now don’t get me wrong, i’m judged everyday and so is everyone else, but I was being judged for who I am as a person. 

Maybe i’ve just set the bar too high, and I’m falling short? So much is expected of me, and it’s normal for me to want to exceed those standards. I just don’t get when people push past my education and start examining me. Taking their own opinion over mine.

Sorry if painting my nails it looks like i’m “flaunting” myself and it looks bad. 

Sorry I’m not the weight you want me to be.

Sorry my skin has acne and scars from picking them.

Sorry if I don’t get as good grades as i did earlier.

Sorry, but i really do accept myself the way I am now. I have been so upset because others don’t see what I see. I love the extra meat on me; i like my girls thic. You may call it self mutilation for me constantly messing with my skin, but I do stop every often and I do come back to pick more; I don’t mind it. “It’s ugly.” Sorry i’m ugly. School is going to get hard, and I’m not always going to be able to get honor roll every quarter. Even if some of these situations aren’t as bad as they truly are, when they are repeated constantly I am constantly hurt. It builds.

I will most likely delete this later, but you guys need to know that the way you see yourself is stronger than what others see. If you like chipped nail polish on your fingernails, I dig it. If you want to change your style, mix it up a bit, nothing is stopping you. 

One day, there is going to be that special someone who notices the little things about you which makes you beautiful and one of a kind. 

I want someone to notice my small quirks such as licking my lips when i draw, or peeling the wrapping off of plastic bottles. I want someone who accepts my weight and appreciates me for my personality. I want someone for everyone because it sucks loving yourself. 

You can’t hold yourself forever; there’s a limit. Please take care :)