Sorry but i’m about to spew some straight up langst/klangst right now.
Lance has had it up to here with everyone’s bullshit. Pidge treats him like he’s stupid, Allura treats him like dirt, and Shiro… he used to look up to him, that man was his hero, but it seems all Shiro cares about is Keith. Keith this Keith that Keith’s gonna lead Voltron Keith’s the best pilot. Keith Keith Keith. He can’t stand it. No one takes him seriously. All he wants is to feel like he belongs but it seems like everyone else is making sure to make it clear that he doesn’t. And Keith is the worst.
The bickering has gotten worse, and Lance knows it’s his fault. He’d never admit that though. His emotions are running high and he can barely control what comes out of his mouth anymore. If anyone has noticed the tension coming from Lance they haven’t mentioned it. They probably don’t give two shits. They’re too busy praising Keith to even look his way let alone ask if he’s alright.
They’re fighting again. It’s pretty bad. Both of them are saying some not so nice things to each other. Lance is trying to keep calm, but he’s having a difficult time. He wants to yell. At Keith. At everyone. Let them all know that they hurt him. They don’t care. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Don’t let them know it hurts.
Until Lance let’s slip something particularly nasty and everyone just stares. He’s kinda shocked himself. Then Keith says:
“What is your problem, Lance!? Who hurt you!?”
FLASHBACK
Lance wants to be everyone’s best friend. And back at the Garrison, when they were fresh cadets, that included Keith.
I bet he’s actually really nice under all that emo. We could be great friends. We’re pretty evenly matched, and if we both make fighter class, I bet we’d make a good team.
Lance does everything in his power to be noticeable to Keith. But no matter what it doesn’t seem to work. Keith barely acknowledges his existence. So he tries a more direct approach.
Keith shoots him down.
It’s not that Keith meant to be mean or say what he said, but Lance takes it as a direct insult. He’s crushed to say the least. And he’s angry. I just wanted to be friends. He probably thinks he’s too good for you.
Maybe he is.
Over time this insecurity festers inside Lance. He starts to notice how much praise Keith receives, and how much criticism he himself gets.
He copes by forming a rivalry. He’s desperate to feel like he’s good enough. Good enough for Keith. He pushes himself to his limits, when it seems like Keith doesn’t try at all. Sometimes it’s overwhelming and he cries silently at night (wouldn’t wanna wake up Hunk and have him be all worried and stuff).
Keith’s words echo in his head, always a little meaner and nastier. He’s never gonna be good enough.
FLASHFORWARD
Lance is raging. There are tears streaking down his cheeks and his jaw is starting to ache from the pressure of his clenched teeth. He’s shaking.
Everyone is staring at him, looking a little alarmed now. Oh, now they care.
“You.” Lance says, trying to keep his tone even. “It was you.”
Omg. Now you got me thinking of what comes next:
Those words hit Keith like a wall. He honestly didn’t know what he could have done to make Lance hurt like this. He was at a lost for words, frozen and confused.
The brunette was heavily breathing. It took all he had to keep the tears from escaping his eyes. He was angry and irritated, and a part of him knew he was being irrational, but he just couldn’t help it, his emotions were overwhelming.
Hunk was the first to say something, reaching out for his best friend’s shoulder as he called “Lan-” but his hand was slapped away.
Before anyone else can say something, he ran. Lance ran to the blue lion. His blue lion. It was the only place in the castle where he didn’t feel suffocated.
He got into the blue lion and just sat in the pilot’s seat, tilting his head back to rest, slowly regretting his actions. “I’m a fuck up,” he says to himself, over and over.
The blue lion was very worried for him, so worried that she put her barrier up, and refused to let any of the paladins that came after Lance pass. It didn’t take long for them to give up, they can’t do anything against a lion, so they all resolved to talk to him when he cools down, and hopefully resolve this issue. He was Lance after all, surely he will be back to his annoying self soon.
However, hours passed, and Lance never came out. Not for dinner, or even for breakfast the next day. He didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to face a team that he thinks will yell at him for snapping or tell him what he already knows, that he isn’t good for anything. He just wanted to go home, because a place like this, a place where it hurts to breathe, it isn’t home.
It’s too much for Lance. Too much has happened in too little time and everything thats been piling up is beginning to spill over the edge, like a glass that’s already been filled to the brim.
The emotions burst forth like a dam, strong and hard. Harder than its ever been before. Anger, then fear. Grief and loneliness. Each emotion only lingers for mere minutes before another replaces it, and the cycle continues endlessly. Self-loathing is the only one that remains for the entire journey.
Blue is just as distressed as her paladin and sends soothing purrs the same way she’s always done when things get a bit too rough. But this time its not enough, and Blue can feel the bond slipping between them as a wall seems to rise up in the gap between the two.
There’s only one wish that Lance has right now, and that’s to return to a place where he belongs. He wishes to return home. It’s the least Blue could do for all the things her paladin has done for her, and so, with a determined roar she launches off, carrying Lance with her, still curled in a ball with his head buried in his hands.
-
Everyone is aware of the sudden absence of a lion and fly into a flurried panic. Allura and Coran begin trying to locate the blue lion, but by some unexpected turn of events, Blue has cut off her connection to the castle. Shiro tries to figure out an alternative solution along with Pidge and Hunk instead.
By the time they realise that Keith isn’t among them, he’s already long gone, chasing another lion in the distance, looking for the answers to the questions he couldn’t figure out himself.
Lance had barely noticed that Blue was moving. He was so lost in his mind that he couldn’t connect to reality. He felt as if he had been drained. Now that he’d gone through all his feelings there was nothing left. He sat surely in a ball, tear tracks still visible on his cheeks. He felt empty. Hollow. As if nothing was left within him. All he knew was that he messed up but couldn’t bring himself to care. He only reconnected with reality when Blue came to a sudden stop. Lance slowly picked up his head to see what was happening. Red’s jaw had clamped down on Blue’s leg. They were alone in some unknown part of the universe. Red dragged the other lion down to a planet beneath them with a growl. At that point Blue knew Lance needed to talk to someone. Anyone. Keith ran up to Blue. He hadn’t even put on his armor. Blue let him up without any complaint from Lance who still barely recognized what was happening.
“What were you thinking?” Keith asked quietly as he rushed in. He had to use all his willpower not to yell at Lance.
“I didn’t tell her to leave.” Lance said, his voice barely audible. Keith walked closer. He waited a minute before kneeling down and placing his hand on Lance’s shoulder.
“How did I hurt you?” He asked. In that moment Lance’s emotion returned. He was back at the start. Rage. Burning, fiery anger was all he felt.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact you did everything perfectly.”
“What?”
“Oh Keith, you can lead Voltron. Oh Keith, you’re the best pilot we’ve got. Keith, you did great in that drill. It’s like you can do no wrong.” Lance mocked. His voice raised in volume as he talked.
“Is that seriously what all this is about? You’re just jealous?”
“Yeah. That’s it. I just want to be appreciated by SOMEONE. IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK.” Lance stood up and pushed Keith away.
“Lance, calm down. We appreciate you. You’re just as important as the rest of the team.”
“Sure, whatever. I’m sure it feels like that to you. Have you ever been told you messed up? Ever?” Keith was silent, “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Why don’t you go tell the others that you can take my place. You’re obviously twice as good as me at everything so you could pilot two lions with ease.” Lance’s words became more and more bitter as he spoke. After he finished speaking he walked out of Blue onto whatever they had ended up on.
“Lance, wait.” Keith called while running after him.
“No need to pretend you need me. Just leave Keith. Before I have Blue make you leave.” The look in Lance’s eyes was to sad to be intimidating. Keith tried to think of something, anything, to say to get Lance to come back with him but the blue paladin was already gone.
Lance was back in his lion, setting the destination for Earth. Unlike before, when blue was driven by his emotions, he was now aware and conscious of what he planned on doing. He’ll go back home.
Lance didn’t want to be a paladin anymore. What business did he, just a dumb guy from Cuba, have when it came to saving the universe? He wasn’t smart or inventive like Hunk and Pidge. He wasn’t as skilled as Keith, and he thought twice before even comparing himself to Shiro.
He was just Lance; an annoying, flirtatious guy that let jealousy get the best of him. He wanted to laugh at himself. Look at him, a child who just threw a tantrum because he wanted to be appreciated. A child who wanted to see his family again, and just threw away all his responsibilities to do so.
Time was lost to Lance as he and blue drifted in space. He was just so preoccupied with his thoughts. He wondered how much time has passed since he left the castle. Since his confrontation with Keith.
“Why did he come after me?” He thought out loud to himself. Keith was the last person he thought would come after him, not that it matters anymore.
Time passes on, and soon, just before Lance could think about the raven’s actions, a familiar planet came into view. The brunette’s eyes lit up. “Home,” he whispers. This was the first time, in a very long time, that Lance’s heart started to pound out of happiness.
He started to wonder; how long had he been gone? Did his family know he was missing? He shook his head. None of that mattered anymore, he was finally home. He was so close.
But…
Suddenly, there was a loud crash. Lance fell out of his seat, surprised, and onto the ground, hitting his head on hard metal.
This couldn’t be happening, Lance thought as blue’s monitor showed an approaching galra ship.
“Why…”
It just wasn’t fair. All he wanted to do was go home and see his family again. It just wasn’t fair…
Lance’s vision starts to blur. He hadn’t eaten or drank anything for hours, and he could feel a hot liquid pool from the spot where his head hit the metal. The brunette just laid helplessly on the ground as his vision blurred. The one thing he was sure of was that he wasn’t coming home.