Red and Blue make Purple

phantomrose96

I hardcore headcanon that Ed became something of a mythical figure to the Amestrian military (and probably Amestrian public) after the Promised Day

Like immediately afterward he goes home and stays home to help Al recover, then travels the West as like a scholar, then settles down with Winry and has kids–it’s pretty obvious he never went back to the military at any point during that, and that he’s stayed well and far out of the public eye.

So what’s that leave the military with? “Hey you heard of Edward Elric?” “Oh yeah isn’t he that dude who passed the state alchemy exam at 12, punched God in the face, toppled the whole military coup with Fuhrer Mustang, and vanished? Yeah he had a cubby here for like…4 years.”

And with so many people knowing half-truths about what really happened in Amestris, I fully believe that hundreds of fantastically stupid and marginally correct rumors spread about Ed. “I heard Ed Elric met God twice.” “I heard he’s the only person to ever successfully break the core law of alchemy.” “I heard he’s a 4,000 year old prophet who discovered immortality and that’s why he’s so skilled.” “I heard he fought a tank.” “I heard God personally took his limbs away and that’s why he’s half-metal.” “I heard he actually invented alchemy.” “I heard he once beat up Fuhrer Mustang with his own hands.”

Like it’s the most central, prominent piece of small talk among new recruits–who knows the best little factoids about the child prodigy who hangs with God and saved the world and disappeared Jesus-style immediately after. Mustang walks out into press conferences, maximum security with reporters clamoring to lobby their questions at the leader of the entire nation, and somehow he always ends up with a flood of “Can you confirm?” tall tales about Ed.

“Fuhrer, is it true that Edward Elric discovered how to transmute his soul into a higher plane of existence and so he quit the military to achieve the status of a god?”

“Edward Elric is a 32 year old man who lives in a farmhouse out east and raises sheep part-time. Last I heard from him he was learning how to make raspberry pie and trying to teach his daughter how to count to 7. Who the hell feeds you this information? Next Question”

phantomrose96

Follow up point: this leads to many instances of confusion while the family is in Rush Valley.

Like Winry’s working on some friendly old lady’s leg and chatting while Ed’s playing tag with the kids through the shop. Old lady is watching this and comments, “Your husband is adorable, Miss. My Harold was never half that energetic with the kids.”

“Oh, he needs to burn off energy more than the kids do. Trust me this is good for him.”

“…You mentioned earlier that the Rockbell Automail went back a few generations. Is Rockbell his last name that you took?”

“No no, Rockbell is my maiden name, and I plan to keep my automail under the Rockbell name in memory of my parents. My last name is Elric now.”

“Ah! How unusual. So your husband—tell me, is your husband related to Edward Elric? It’s just not a very common last name.”

“…Uh.”

“The Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric. The one who saved Amestris all those years back from that attack the government had planned. Oh, maybe the name’s just coincidence. You know who I’m talking about, don’t you?”

“…Yeah. I know who you’re talking about. I grew up in the same town as him. I made him his automail. I married him.” She points over her shoulder. “That guy.”

Now the old lady looks too, visibly startled. “That’s Edward Elric?”

Ed, having heard his name, stops chasing his daughter in circles around Winry’s workbench and turns to see who’s talking about him.

“Ah geez…Ed, come over here a minute.”

He walks over, uncertain, trying to size up the situation. “Yeah Winry? What’s up?”

Before Winry can clarify, the old lady points and blurts out. “You’re the Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric?”

Ed blinks, still trying to gauge the situation. “Well I was.”

“Edward Elric who saved the entire country fifteen years ago? Who returned everyone’s souls and fought God and won—that Edward Elric?!”

Ed smiles, rubs his chin and stands up a little taller, smug eyes to Winry. “Well I don’t like to brag about it, but it seems you’ve got the idea.”

“How can you be the Fullmetal Alchemist when he’s supposed to be five feet tall?”

“I’ve grown goddammit!”

“No no impossible I heard you were off conferencing with the Emperor of Xing in order to invent the perfect alchemy that can transcend even God!”

“Ling? He doesn’t know the first thing about—also where are you hearing this? I’ve never even been to Xing!”

“I heard you created a philosopher’s stone when you meditated on the Briggs Mountains for a month and reached enlightenment. How could you have done that if you were here having children?”

“I would never have created a philosopher’s stone what the hell. Those are all just stupid rumors–ask me about something I’ve actually done goddammit!”

“Rumors? Or maybe it’s just that you’re not really the Fullmetal Alchemist? Are you two pulling my metal leg right now?”

“…”

“Winry, keep the legless old bat here. I’m getting the pocket watch.”

Winry sighs, drags her hand down her face. “Ed, come on, just let it go. It’s not worth starting anything over it, and the kids are—“

“I’m getting the pocket watch, Winry.”

And from then on Ed just starts keeping the pocket watch on him at all times (and certification papers nearby) because he’s tired of all these customers who cannot believe that Edward “punched god” “invented immortality” “transcended this plane of reality” “fought a tank” Elric is actually just Rush Valley’s single most Suburban Dad™.

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Red and Blue make Purple

Man Combines Random People’s Photos Using Neural Networks And The Results Are Amazing