For once, I actually agree with his frustrations.

vampire: *rips my collar back to bite my neck only to find I’m wearing 12 garlic-clove necklaces*
vampire: how did you know?
me: know what?
[walks around with an entire big mac in my mouth but never actually biting down] It’s a metaphor, see: you put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do its killing.
you took this from a fault in our stars augustus does the same thing only with a cigarette ok ok
i don’t know what you’re talking about this is an excerpt from my upcoming 100% original novel “the fart in our stalls”