freakreturn
ruinedchildhood
i live here
minusthemasochist
- So in one of my classes, my prof has this policy that whenever a student is late in order not to be marked absent he/she must either perform a talent or tell a joke.
- One morning as the late comers were doing what they could to be exempted there was one more student who came in extra late.
- So after the 'last' person told his joke which was "I'll be doing a joke (waits ample amount of time)...the elections" (drops mic).
- She went up to the podium and grabbed the mic.
- "I guess I'll perform a talent...
- I know! I'm good at back flips!"
- That would've been interesting enough but I forgot to mention- She was 8 months pregnant.
- As she was about to do a backflip the entire lecture class yelled
- "NOOOOOO!!"
- And there was this one girl in the back who yelled
- "THE BABY!"
- My professor had this fuck-if-she-dies-i-no-longer-have-tenure look on his face.
- She stood straight up. Took the mic.
- "That was a joke."
- Needless to say she was never asked to perform a talent or tell a joke again.
lovelyphilosphy
STORY TIME!
when i was in second grade we were getting on the bus to go on a field trip when a boy from my class gets down in front of me on one knee hOLDING A RINGPOP and asks “will you marry me?” and i, being the bitchy little 8 year old that i was, said no and took the ringpop anyways
pyjammies
SO MY DAD AND I JUST WENT OUT BIKING AND WE WERE PASSING A ROUGH NEIGHBORHOOD AND THERE WERE THESE SKETCHY GUYS WE PASSED AND THEY LOOKED AT ME AND SAID “hey nice ass” AND MY DAD JUST TURNS TO THEM AND SAYS IN THE HIGHEST PITCHED VOICE HE COULD MUSTER- thanks hon isn’t it great! - AND THEY JUST START LAUGHING OMG IM DEAD
pepperpottsstark
I was on the bus and these kids near me were arguing loudly and using wild hand gestures and looking like they’re gonna kill each other so I pop out one headphone and I hear,
“NO OKAY YOU CAN EAT SALSA AT ROOM TEMPERATURE OR COLD BUT YOU CAN NOT HEAT THAT SHIT UP!”
They were arguing about salsa.
They were looking like they were gonna kill someone over salsa.
themightyherobofades
so one day a long time ago my friends parents put a napkin on their sliding glass door cuz they had a party and they didn’t want people running into the sliding glass door
so of course my friend walked up to it and was like “hey cool a floating napkin” and ran into the door
kid-icarus-uprising-addict
Okay so one time in 7th grade at the very end of the year my home room teacher was moving classrooms and our English teacher was moving into the old one so we had a bunch of cardboard boxes left empty and so kids were just hanging out under them like hermit crabs and then we decided to take a picture and everybody got into a cardboard box and I was a pretty tiny kid so after we took the picture I tried to close the box and I FIT PERFECTLY INSIDE so the kids in my class and I thought it would be funny to prank a teacher by taking the box with me in it to a teacher and they told our teacher about it and he just said “Okay, which teacher do you want to go to?” And everybody decided to take me to our English teacher. Her current classroom was on the other side of the school. My home room teacher chose five people to escort me and my box on a spinning office chair down an elevator, across four hallways, and up a flight of stairs to our English room. They were giggling the whole way there and when we got there I hear them tell her the box was for her, she asked what was in it and then she opened the box and we stared at each other for five seconds before I croak out “hi”. She closes the box and I hear muffled yelling. I get out of the box and her home room is staring at me like I just came out of narnia and my classmates are laughing and I just walk away and that is the story of when I became a box.
size-nine-shoes
I just remembered that time that I woke up because I thought an alarm clock was going off but it was actually just the beeping from censoring Gordon Ramsay on Kitchen Nightmares and I found it so funny that I couldn’t even be mad about it waking me up.
