Red and Blue make Purple

[storynookofabun]

When I was a kid…

I hated pickles. They were disgusting and ruined any burger experience for me.
Well, one day I asked for a happy meal with no pickles.
I expressed this so strongly, that when I received my cheeseburger with pickles, my eight year old mind knew instantly: sabotage.
So I walked up to the counter politely and asked for a new one and the cashier told me “too bad you brat”.
Well, she wanted a brat and I would not disappoint.
In an ode to my favorite movie scene I threw the cheeseburger behind the counter screeching “I SAID NO PICKLES! ”

[fvckmegs]

One time in drama class we were playing this game where you have to keep asking each other questions but it has to be on the same topic, and I was up with this mean girl who everyone really doesn’t like bc she’s a bitch and she’s really dumb, and she was like ‘have you ever failed a test?’ And my sassy side came out and I was like 'have you ever passed one?’ (I said it in a sassy voice too) my teacher laughed so hard

[fahtimaa]

[the-actual-grim-reaper]

SO I WENT TO A HAUNTED HOUSE TODAY AND THERE WERE DEAD BODIES (PLAYED BY REAL PEOPLE) ON THE FLOOR AND ONE WAS HOLDING A SWORD AND IM LIKE" YO IF YOUR DEAD CAN I HAVE YOUR SWORD CUZ ITS HELLA RAD" AND THE GIRL LAUGHED I TRIPPED A DEMON. EVERYTIME I WAS SCREAMED AT, I SCREAMED BACK “WATCH EXOS NEW MV” AT ONE POINT A DEMON YELLED SHUT UP AT ME. I HIT ONE IN THE FACE AND HE STARTED LAUGHING. MY SQUAD WAS SCREAMING AND I WAS INTERACTING I WAS LIKE CHEN IN THE HAUNTED HOUSE eP OF EXO SHOWTIME

[fixatedillusion]

My mum is so savage lmao

My cat was jumping in a bin bag so I was trying to get a picture and when my mum asked why I was so determined I said that I wanted to be relatable and post it saying “when your cat is you” and then my mum WITHOUT HESITATION replies “let’s put him in a closet then”

I AM STILL SHOOK

[what-a-waster]

When i was 11 my dad was making rum cake and he thought you simply bake a cake and then pour lots of rum on it and he gave some to me saying that restaurants let kids have rum cake so it cant be that much alcohol. Long story short i spent a good three hours shouting “up” at our broomstick getting extremely frustrated.

[realzyxzjs]

My sister told me about how she adores her social studies teacher because he is one sassy old man.
Then she continued to tell me about how they were given a list of stuff they should know about in class and Hungary was on there. A girl in her class thought it was pronounced like hungry. So the girl said, “wow, I can’t believe there’s a place named after me.”
The teacher so smoothly replied with, “wow, I didn’t know there was a place named annoying.”

[gwindr]

ok so today our teacher has this policy where if your phone rings you either put it away or he can answer it
so he told us about this one time where a girl let him answer the phone and when the person on the phone asked for her he simply replied
“sorry she’s in the shower do you want to leave her a message”

the person on the phone was her dad

saying “it was my teacher” sure didnt help

[element-squad]

Hey, guys, did you ever hear about the happy tale of Romeo and Mario? 

 WELL, NEITHER DID I UNTIL MS. C BROUGHT IT UP. 

 The whole sad tale began with something innocent enough: a lesson on triangles. 

 “So you all know Romeo and Juliet, right?” Ms. C said. “They fell in love and died, boohoohoo. Okay, let’s say that this is Juliet up here, on the tower.” 

 She scribbled a quick stick figure on a cliff thing. In no way was that a tower, I thought, but I wasn’t gonna tell her that. Ms. C was prone, as a surprising number of teachers are, to telling us that she was a terrible artist. 

 “This is Juliet. Here, on the ground, ten feet away, is Romeo. Right here, eight feet away, is Mario. Juliet can’t jump because that’s a stupid idea and she will die, but let’s say for now that she can. How far does she have to jump to get to Romeo? Be careful - if your answer is too short, Mario will get Juliet, and then Romeo will cry.” 

 The whole diagram made a right triangle, and pretty soon, everybody was snickering and Pythagorean-Theorem-ing the whole mess. Simple, easy, happy, run-of-the-mill assignment.

But then somebody questioned, “Wait, hold up, what if Romeo runs away with Mario?” 

 “Well then,” Ms. C said, “Juliet can just go jump for real, right?” 

 A pause. 

 And then the entire class erupted in laughter. 

 “ROMEO AND MARIO IS MY NEW OTP!!!” I howled, only not OTP because I didn’t know what those were yet. 

 “ROMEO AND MARIO FOREVER!!” someone else yelled. 

 Ms. C walked to the board and added a couple new details to the diagram: Romeo and Mario running off, hand in hand, with Juliet in tears. 

 “They’re going to live a very happy life together,” she said happily. 

 And that was the tale of how Romeo and Mario ran off into the sunset, leaving both Juliet and an eighth grade geometry class in tears.

[adorkable-stark]

Whenever you’re sad just remember that one of my best friends swears up and down that he once saw a monkey spontaneously combust and he has way too many details for it to not be true