Red and Blue make Purple

[loongbottom]

Yesterday I was at the grocery store when I heard a man playing the trumpet outside. So I quickly skipped up to home to give him some change. Once I got within earshot he started singing “Here comes a young princess, to give me something sweet, skipping up to a strange black man, oh she’s such a beautiful princess, no boyfriends for youuu for 7 years, I don’t even want them looking at youu, tell your daddy that he’s a giant among men and the best thing since sliced bread”. Then he gave me a high five, wished me a beautiful day and said he loved me. 

Day=made

Faith in humanity= restored

[mizuhinata]

Tumblr People are Amazing

Okay so today at school I was sitting in the hallway between classes and this girl comes walking down the hall all confident and pretty.  She was wearing this dress with all kinds of spangled colors and designs on it.  So obviously, every person in the hall—including me—was looking at her.

All except for this little bookworm with her nose deep in a Harry Potter book.  I could tell that this girl had a Tumblr, too.  She had a TARDIS necklace and a hat that had Death the Kid’s Sanzu lines on it.  So immediately I felt a connection to said bookworm.

So pretty girl is walking down the hall and suddenly she takes notice of the bookworm because she’s the one person that isn’t looking at her.  She walks straight up to the bookworm and says “Hey!”

The bookworm looks up and says “What?”

Pretty girl is silent for a moment, then says “Don’t you like my dress?”

Bookworm says “Yeah, sure.”  You can tell that she really wants to get back to her book.

Pretty girl says “Then why didn’t you look at it?”

At this point I was beginning to think that Pretty girl was a huge b, but then the bookworm says “Why do you want everyone to look at you?”

And Pretty girl says “So I can feel good, duh.”

Bookworm says “So the only way for you to feel good is for you to put yourself at the center of attention?”

Pretty girl goes silent for a second, then says “Yeah. Are there any other ways?”

At this point I’m thinking oh my gosh, this poor girl.  She must feel terrible about herself every single day.

But then the bookworm looks her straight in the eye for the first time and says “I’d feel better living in the background of Harry Potter than being the center of attention here.”  And then she gathers her stuff and walks away; Pretty girl is left standing there watching her walk away.  And in that moment I knew that Pretty girl was going to go home and read the Harry Potter books.

[storynookofabun]

When I was a kid…

The way I perceived skin color was through the idea that we were all cookies. God had a large oven in the sky and would bake us all and then put us on Earth. I explained to my dad, some were under baked, baked just right and others a little burnt.

So he asked if I thought that we were the best because we were baked “just right”.

But I told him no. Everybody likes different kinds of cookies and that all cookies are delicious and it didn’t matter because eventually we’d all get dunked in milk (Heaven) and consumed by our creator.

Yeah…

[eagles34]

Funniest story

Ok so a couple years ago for Christmas I made my dad a cd and I put his favorite songs on there and then as a joke I put I can’t dance from high school musical followed by girls just wanna have fun as a joke never expecting him to listen to them and one night I went out to eat with my friends but there was a long wait so we went next door to dollar general and I get a phone call from my dad and apparently he had butt dialed me because he is singing GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUUNNN at the top of his lungs and I started laughing so hard I accidentally hit the speaker button and so then everyone in the store just hears THATS ALL THEY REALLY WAAAANT IS SOME FUUUUN GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUUNNN and that is the story of my dad’s singing debut at dollar general aka the funniest thing that ever happened to me

[pinkflamingllama]

Once on holiday I fainted and hit my head on the floor real hard so I had to be taken to hospital and when they carried me into the ambulance on a stretcher I made a peace sign to the little crowd that had formed and said “so long, bitches” and I don’t think any of them spoke English except for this one bus driver who just exploded with laughter and I bet I’m a funny story they tell at family meals now

[sugawarakun]

Just read it–

My teacher said she has a gay friend and when she gets in the car with him and she gives him directions, she can’t say go straight or he’ll stop the car and glare at her. So she is forced to say “Okay. Go gayly forward.” then he’ll continue driving. 

[ginger-is-the-new-black]

Story Time!!!

So, my brother occasionally stole my books when I was 14 (which he then proceeded to never read). At that time, I was taking anti-depressants (and still am, as was and is my younger brother). As revenge, I once announced to the whole household that the tablet on the right was mine and that my brother was to take the tablet on the left. I then proceeded to quickly run to the loo, and when I returned, the tablet on the right was gone. Would you believe it, my brother had taken it and hadn’t heeded my instruction (just as planned, the little shit). Being 14, I made a big deal out of it by telling him that he took my women’s multi-vitamin, and it would turn him into a woman at a rapid pace. I told him that his boobs would get bigger and all sorts of other additional shit that I thought up on the spot. That also included me showing him a Ponstan packet (for cramps) and telling him that he should listen to me next time I yell out a clear instruction. He freaked the f*ck out!!! He cried to mum and dad telling them that he could feel his boobs expanding and meanwhile I was cacking myself laughing in the kitchen (along with my parents). He eventually found out… after about half an hour of balling his eyes out and groping his boobs. After that, he never stole my books again :)

[thatfabulousfatgirl]

So yesterday I was mowing my grandma’s yard, and whenever I mow the backyard there’s this old creep that comes out and sits on his back porch to watch me. After I finished the backyard, I went inside for a water break and to wipe off my face because I’d been dripping sweat for the last 20 minutes. Well, the night before I’d bleached my roots and redyed my hair bright ass red, and when I went to the bathroom I had red sweat dripping down my face, chest, and the back of my neck.

Long story short, I probably scared the shit out of the old creep and many people who drove by my grandma’s house.

[thegayacefromspace]

So my friend in algebra was getting a checkup today and she was nervous because she doesnt like getting blood taken out of her body with a needle and I thought to myself “Can’t you just tell the doctors to wait for your period?” It took me five seconds to realize I said that out loud and everyone at my table started laughing their asses off

[starksnowgaryen]

so yesterday my boss (who is a big burly man with a lot of facial hair) was singing along to the radio and “wrecking ball” came on and he burst out “I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALLLLLL” and kicked a garbage can across the room

i’m still laughing