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ummmwine

whoms the best infallible leader for your fantasy adventuring: deathmatch

CATEGORIES: LEADERSHIP

  • DUMBLEDORE: leads a school. wont touch govt. known as a weirdo. becomes rallying point for anti-voldemort forces, but not so much that the wizarding world isnt split down the middle abt whether he’s great or the worst. 10 pts
  • ASLAN: supreme leader of the world he created, appoints all sub-supreme leaders. rallying point at all times, but rarely physically present. 65 pts
  • GANDALF: not formal leader of anything, but good to take charge in any situation. well-liked and respected in a lot of circles. 40 pts

ATTACK

  • DDORE: solid enough. can take on voldemort in a duel or a group attack. tends to leave the fighting to teens tho. 30 pts
  • ALAN: can definitely kill you but rarely is the one to carry out an attack directly. 15 pts
  • GDALF: good in any form of battle. 50 pts

DEFENSE

  • DUMBLEDORE: maintains supposed safest place in the world, yet hogwarts is still a deathtrap and infiltrated by voldemort every other year. 20 pts
  • ASLAN: good anti-magic abilities. summons reinforcements. charges up your army’s stats. 50 pts
  • GANDALF: can ward off shit like balrogs and nazgul. mindful and prudent with risk. 40 pts

NOT ENDANGERING CHILDREN

  • DUMBLEDORE: the student body at the school he runs faces grave threats to their lives and wellbeing every year. again, how long ago was filch allowed to torture kids? snape is still on the payroll. hogwarts at the best of times is dangerous enough. he robbed everyone of a competent teacher for their defensive magic class for a whole year to make a point. oh and he lets harry and co. face dangers constantly so hp can eventually die. -1000 pts
  • ASLAN: only lets young children into narnia and only when there is some kind of strife that needs attending to. doesnt plan for their deaths, tho. -100 pts
  • GANDALF: no children involved. 100 pts

HEALING ABILITY

  • DUMBLEDORE: has a phoenix but presumably only for emergencies. will just send you to the nurse. 26 pts
  • ASLAN: regenerative/reviving powers, can counter magical damage. not used on all occasions tho. 50 pts
  • GANDALF: not too much, can counter some magical damage, probably knows about herbs and shit. 40 pts

POWER STATS

  • DUMBLEDORE: supposedly the most powerful wizard alive. 500 pts
  • ASLAN: god. 9999999 pts
  • GANDALF: wizards are rare, and he’s not necessarily the strongest one, or the strongest being in the world, but likely the strongest individual around at any given time and place. 395 pts

LINGUISTICS

  • DUMBLEDORE: spoke mermish that one time? must have a decent grip on latin. probably knows other stuff. 75 pts
  • ASLAN: omniscient. 900 pts
  • GANDALF: knows elvish, probably other languages, idk. 100 pts

FASHION

  • DUMBLEDORE: fancy robe, glasses, beard, passion for socks. 60 pts
  • ASLAN: not really relevant if you ignore that one weird detail in the first book where he has a crown and standard. still, cool looking. 50 pts
  • GANDALF: practical, classic look. the staff is a nice accessory. 70 pts

STRATEGY

  • DUMBLEDORE: the master of playing the long con. he’s looking at whats endgame. could get messy along the way though. 50 pts
  • ASLAN: always knows best possible choice, yet usually isn’t around, and some problem or another tends to come up during his absences. usually leaves the tactical decision-making to others. 30 pts
  • GANDALF: solid decision making at all junctures, good at seeing the big picture. 100 pts

WISE ADVICE

  • DUMBLEDORE: more about sort of eccentric, cryptic advice. can give out some decent pointers, but the kind of stuff you could get from a bunch of ofher people. sometimes keeps important stuff to himself. 20 pts
  • ASLAN: can only have good advice, but sometimes hard to get ahold of. 50 pts
  • GANDALF: solid; always has sage council and is accessible. 70 pts

SNACKEROONIES

  • DUMBLEDORE: noted candy passion. proudest of being a chocolate frog card. 40 pts
  • ASLAN: presumably can create any food, this never happens though. narnia is more about not eating stuff. -30 pts
  • GANDALF: lembas. 5 pts

RESPONSIBILITY

  • DUMBLEDORE: runs a school, but never seems to improve it, has to consider shutting it down all the time, never seems to be around for students, doesnt intervene when he knows there’s bullshit happening to said students, also lets a staff member be driven out based on discrimination, dumps a baby on the worst possible guardians, doesnt provide support services for troubled students. all but singlehandedly caused voldemort to happen, then let hp die to fix it. -5000 pts
  • ASLAN: he leaves for ages but does come through to fix shit in the end. 50 pts
  • GANDALF: has no officially appointed role in any institution but steps up to help save the world anyways and sees it through to the end. 200 pts

DYING

  • DUMBLEDORE: hastened it along via his own mistakes, planned the details, but died in a pivotal time of crisis. half-deliberately spared a student from dying with it. didn’t come back save as a portrait, which is always weird. 20 pts
  • ASLAN: planned for it but died on eve of battle, sacrificed self to save a child. came back a few hours later though. 140 pts.
  • GANDALF: accidental, got taken out during battle but took out a major hell enemy also. came back a few weeks later or something. 90 pts

DO YOU HAVE TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM IN THE AFTERLIFE

  • DUMBLEDORE: hanging out in the pre-afterlife train station? most friendly he’s ever been, though. might be a better guy to hang with when he’s not playing chess with people’s lives. 15 pts
  • ASLAN: yeah and apparently its awesome. 100 pts
  • GANDALF: in the sense that you sail into another world with him. it might be a nice voyage. probably a chill place. he seems cool to spend eternity with, also. 60 pts

FRIENDS

  • DUMBLEDORE: inaccessible. keeps too many secrets. 5 pts
  • ASLAN: you want him on your side but kind of intimidating. 20 pts
  • GANDALF: most accessible. cool dude. 80 pts

FAMILY

  • DUMBLEDORE: sucks to be related to. you might die. -30 pts
  • ASLAN: only hear of the emperor across the sea, doesn’t show up though, so hard to judge family dynamics. 5 pts
  • GANDALF: ? i guess if you have no relatives, you still didn’t get any of them killed. 5 pts

HUMOR

  • DUMBLEDORE: weird humor. non sequiturs. keeps it up in a crisis though. can be sort of sarcastic. 35 pts
  • ASLAN: has a sense of humor, but largely a solemn figure. 10 pts
  • GANDALF: good. fun jokes. 50 pts

PARTYING

  • DUMBLEDORE: has feasts with good food and decoration. 90 pts
  • ASLAN: it happens but rarely. you had to have been there. 50 pts
  • GANDALF: comes to the shire for the best parties in middle earth. 200 pts

WHAT IF YOU PISS THEM OFF

  • DUMBLEDORE: fairly endlessly patient. can be actually inspired to do something if he’s really set off though, and with his tops long-game plotting ability and superlative magic skills, watch out. 100 pts
  • ASLAN: varies from “firm lecture tempered with forgiveness” to “lesson-teaching punishment” to “you’ll die.” good intimidation. 300 pts
  • GANDALF: might yell at someone. doesn’t let a grudge distract him from what needs to get done. being angry isn’t a guarantee he’ll win, though. 200 pts

ALLOWS SLAVERY

  • DUMBLEDORE: sure. -1000 pts
  • ASLAN: no. 100 pts
  • GANDALF: no. 100 pts

CAUSED THE EXISTENCE OF MAIN VILLAIN

  • DUMBLEDORE: absolutely. -1000 pts
  • ASLAN: debatable. as confirmed god in all worlds, did god create evil? 10 pts
  • GANDALF: no. 50 pts

QUICKNESS TO ACT

  • DUMBLEDORE: keeps causing problems by going like “hmm, that could be trouble” and not doing anything about it. -50 pts
  • ASLAN: you might have to wait a century or two. -100 pts
  • GANDALF: waited around a few decades to set out on destroying the one ring, neglected to prevent or see saruman’s corruption. -40 pts

GETS THE PROTAGONISTS KILLED

  • DUMBLEDORE: absolutely, and plans for and depends on it. -500 pts
  • ASLAN: not really. 10 pts
  • GANDALF: no. 30 pts

GAY?

  • DUMBLEDORE: only outside the books, his love interest results in a World-Ending Evil Guy yet again and leads dumbledore down the path of darkness for a while and gets his sister killed, and then he never loves again. fully rejected as gay representation. -999 pts
  • ASLAN: didn’t do the above. created all gayness? 20 pts
  • GANDALF: also didn’t provide Gay = A Curse Of Corruption & Tragedy material. 50 pts

CONCLUSION: kill dumbledore

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