Mom: sit like a lady
Me:

as a procrastinating overachiever i feel like i don’t necessarily “half-ass” things, it’s more like a “3/4 ass”. like overall did i do pretty well? yeah. did i reach my maximum potential though? i think the fuck Not.
matt, after getting laser eye surgery: where’s pidge?
shiro: who do you think gave the eyes?
matt: [starts crying]
shiro: i’m kidding. she’s in the bathroom.
allura: *is getting electrocuted*
team voltron: *immediately grabs onto her so they can all get electrocuted together*