incorrecttonyxeveryonequotes
superfamilyincorrectquotes
Peter: I don’t even like Ratatouille
Wade: Take that back or you’re gonna make me-
Peter: Please don’t say it
Wade: [under breath] Madatouille
incorrecttonyxeveryonequotes
super-stony
Peter: I have this urge to do something stupid
Wade: I’m stupid. Do me.
Peter:
Tony:
Steve:
Wade: Did I just say that out loud?
damn-this-pool
Wade: Hey, how was your day?
Peter: *Tired And Sad* Today I yelled at a little girl for drawing a rainbow…
Wade: A rainbow huh? Sounds like the bitch had it coming
Peter:
Peter: I love you but you’re like really bad at support.
quailpower
Spiderman & Deadpool are my fave dui atm and I will fight anyone who says their Spideypool run is not the best comic on sale riggt now.
spideyslut
Steve smiled to himself as he watched Peter empty out his closet to find the perfect outfit for his date. He wanted something “nice, but not trying too hard.”
“Isn’t he adorable? I can remember being that young, innocent and excited.”, Steve leaned his head onto Tony’s shoulder wistfully.
Tony took a sip of his coffee and scoffed, “’Innocent’ my ass. That little boyfriend of his is gonna pull something soon, I can tell.”
“What makes you think that?”
“It’s their third date.”
Steve frowned a little and glanced up at his husband, “What’s significant about that?”
“The third date is when most people deem it acceptable to sleep with their partner. Some might even say you’re a prude if you don’t.”
Steve thought about this for a moment. Wade was a little bit older than Peter, and Peter was so naïve, he probably didn’t even know what he was in for. He needed to protect his son from this horn-dog, disgusting pervert that Peter calls his boyfriend.
There was a knock on the door and Peter peaked out his door at his parents, “Dad, can you get the door?”
“Why don’t you get it, you’re right there?”, Tony said with disinterest as he took another sip of coffee.
“I can’t just open it, I have to make him wait a while.”
Tony rolled his eyes, “He can wait outside.”
Peter turned his attention to Steve, “Pop, pleeeaaase?”
Steve chuckled as he walked over to the door and let Wade in. Wade stood awkwardly in the kitchen as Tony stared into his soul, enjoying Wade’s discomfort. Peter walked out a few minutes later to greet Wade, who immediately handed over the bouquet of wildflowers he had been holding.
“Flowers? For me? Oh, you shouldn’t have!”, Peter gushed, obviously flattered and embarrassed.
“Can you believe it?”, Tony deadpanned as Peter rushed to put the flowers in a vase on the table.
“Okay, well, we’re on our way to the movies. I’ll text you guys so you know where we are so if I die you’ll know where to start looking for my body.”
“Okay, sweetie, have fun.”, Steve smiled as the couple walked out. The door closed and he immediately whipped around to face his husband and frantically stage whispered, “We have to put a stop to this.”
Tony’s face lit up for the first time all day.
~ ~ ~
Peter and Wade sat down in the theater, quietly giggling amongst themselves. Steve and Tony sat several rows behind them in terrible make-shift disguises. Steve kept pulling his baseball cap down over his face in an attempt to avoid eye contact while Tony adjusted the scarf warped around his head and refused to take off his excessively large sunglasses.
Peter sat with the popcorn bucket in his lap, mindlessly eating as he watched the movie. Because of this he almost didn’t notice Wade slipping an arm around him. Peter didn’t realize that it was possible to simultaneously melt and tense up, but here he is.
Tony started to slap Steve’s thigh quietly but frantically at the sight of Wade’s arm around his son.
“What?!”, Steve hissed, afraid that Tony would attract attention to them and get them kicked out of the theater.
Tony dramatically pointed to Wade and Peter and in a moment of pure silence Steve gave an audible gasp. The two ducked down just in time to avoid Peter turning around and seeing that they’re spying on his date. They slowly rose back into their seats and intently watched as Wade inched closer and closer to Peter, who was staring straight ahead at the big screen. Right as Wade was about to lean in for a kiss, a bucket of popcorn came mysteriously flying towards him and hit him in the face.
Wade and Peter turned and looked around but saw nothing suspicious.
“Huh. That was weird. Are you okay?”, Peter asked.
“Yeah, of course. I wonder who threw that.”
~ ~ ~
Wade and Peter walked arm in arm into the restaurant with Tony and Steve walking several feet behind them. Peter laughed and talked with his boyfriend as his parents hid behind their menus a few tables away. Tony nonchalantly peered over his menu to see the boys as they talked and laughed while Steve worked on constructing a menu fort on the table.
They sat like this for quite some time, watching the boys and repeatedly asking the waiter for more time to look at the menu and water refills. The waiter arrived with Wade and Peter’s food and Tony groaned to see that they were sharing a plate of spaghetti.
“It’s like that kids movie with the dogs,” Steve murmured, excited to be able to make a movie reference that Tony would get.
“I would tell you to be more specific because dog-themed-kids-movies is probably its own genre at this point, but yes. It is like that kids movie with the dogs.”
“Oh, uh… you’ve got a little something right there. On your lip,” Wade chuckled as he motioned to his own face.
Peter blushed slightly and tried to wipe it off, “Better?”
“No, other side. Here, lemme just…” Wade leaned across the table and gently wiped some sauce off of Peter’s bottom lip. He couldn’t help but smile as he looked into Peter’s eyes and let his hand rise to caress his cheek. Wade’s voice fell to a low whisper, “There. Perfect as usual.”
Peter’s heart skipped a beat as Wade started to lean in closer. What if he had garlic breath? What if he still had spaghetti sauce on his lips? What if Wade thinks he’s a horrible kisser and he pretends not to notice but he never calls again and when he drops him off later it will be the last time he ever sees him and oh my god-
Suddenly some man in a headscarf dramatically bumped into a waiter carrying a tray of drinks that toppled over onto Peter and Wade.
~ ~ ~
Tony and Steve were rushing to get home before Wade and Peter did and realized that they had been gone this whole time. They got into the house just in time to see Wade’s car pull up from the window.
“Okay, they’re home.” Steve let out a sigh of relief. “They aren’t going to do anything sexual, everything is going to be okay.”
“Unless they decide to have a quickie in the backseat,” Tony said before taking a sip of his now cold coffee.
“…unless they WHAT?!”
“I had a really great time tonight, thanks for taking me out,” Peter said as he smiled shyly at Wade from the passenger seat.
“Yeah, no, totally, thanks for coming. Everything’s always more fun when you’re around anyways. Here, uh, let me walk you to the door. Don’t move,” Wade flashed a smile at his new boyfriend and ran around to open his car door for him.
They slowly walked in silence up to the front door and turned to face each other.
“Sooo… I’ll call you later. When I get home, if you want,” Wade glanced down and shuffled his feet a bit.
“Yeah, uh, I’d like that. You know, if you want to. But it’s almost curfew so I should probably head inside.”
“Oh, yeah, okay. So, uhh. Goodnight,” Wade turned around and started heading back towards his car.
“Wade?”
He immediately spun around, “Yeah, Pete?”
Peter took a few steps forward, grabbed the collar of Wade’s t-shirt and smashed his lips into his boyfriend’s. Wade stood stunned for a second before melting into it and placing one hand on Peter’s neck and the other on his cheek. They finally broke apart and Peter took a few steps backwards towards the front door. He opened it and stepped inside as Wade stood with a happy, stunned look on his face.
“Goodnight, Wade”, Peter smiled flirtatiously as he closed the door.
Wade couldn’t wipe the huge smile off his face as he slid over the hood of his car and hopped back into the driver’s seat. He leaned his back and just stared at the ceiling for a while, soaking up the best feeling he’s had in a long time.
~hope y’all aren’t lactose intolerant bc this is CHEESY~
cyaethereum
ruinedchildhood
